Online dating: How to date, without commitment

The title of this article might seem a bit mean. But this is not an article about how to take advantage of other human beings and hurt their feelings. It is the exact opposite actually! It is an article about how to be sincere with the person you date. How many times have you dated someone and though the date was great and they would call you back and they never did? How many times have you dates someone a couple of times and though you were in a relationship and then saw them on a date with someone else? Sad as they are, these things happen all the time. In order to make a world a better place, lets see how you can at least avoid doing them to others.

Do not feel guilty

If you decide to dateblack men and you go out on a date with one and he is downright awful, you can just make it clear that there is not going to be a second date. When it comes to interracial dating, many white women and black men dating each other feel that if they do not go on a second date, they will be considered racists. The guilt makes them promise a second date and then a third and so on. The situation keeps dragging like that until someone gets really hurt.

Do not make promises

If you went on a date with someone and you do not intend to repeat it, do not promise to call. Making someone wait over their phone full of hope is just cruel! You can instead say that you had a good time, but you feel that you should go out as friends next time. Yes, this is hard to say, but it is honest and you won't feel guilty afterwards.

Make it clear that you date others

white women dating

When white women are dating, they often find it hard to be clear that they are dating more than one person during the same period. This happens because many people confuse dating with a relationship and women are afraid that their moral values will be questioned. Men might also not mention that they date others, but usually they do it because they do not want to hurt their date. This is a very bad practice though. If you have just met someone and this is your first or second date, do mention to them that you are in a dating phase and you need some time to figure out which person is the best for you. If they tell you that they do not agree with this practice, then try not to get angry. It is their right and it is your obligation to be honest.

Set a deadline

If your date agrees that it is rational to have a period when you also date others, then it is a good idea to set a deadline, in order to start dating exclusively. Or not date again. This way, when the day comes, you can call your date and let them know that they are perfect for you and you want to date exclusively. Or that you feel they would be better off with someone else, that could appreciate them fully. Setting a deadline might make you nervous, as it approaches, but it also helps both sides make decisions and stop wasting their time with multiple dates that might lead nowhere.

Do not date one to one

This can be a bit strange. But it works like a charm. Ask the person you are interested in to join you at a night out with friends. He or she can bring their own friends, if they like. This way you get to know them and the people they choose to be in their life as well. If you like what you see, you can arrange a one-to-one date. If you like them as friends, you can still go out altogether. Just keep in mind that his/her friends are scanning you as well!

Do not have sex on the first date

That one can be hard. If you are intensely attracted to your date, but you do not believe you could start a relationship with them, do not sleep with them on a first date. Some people get attached a lot faster, if there has been intimacy and they will be hurt and feel betrayed if you do not call for a second date. Spend some time getting to know the other person first and if you feel that there could really be a future, then you can enjoy naughty moments together. On the other hand, if you feel that your date is also attracted to you, you can be honest and mention that you do not see this thing turning into something serious, but you would love to have fun with them. They will either slap you or sleep with you.

Long story short, be honest about your intentions and your feelings and do not make any promises that you are not willing to keep. It might seem hard at first, but you will soon see that your dating life will become much less complicated. Happy dating!

Date white women: Learning to talk about things that bother you

If you ask one hundred women, about eighty percent of them will tell you that men don't talk. They will just sit there and stare at you and maybe occasionally nod, but not really talk about all their thoughts and feelings. If you fall within this stereotype, you might want to reconsider your silent attitude, especially if you want to date white women.

date white women

All relationships come with their own challenges, but interracial relationships can have an added level of difficulty, due to the different cultural background of the individuals. When it comes to solving these issues, communication is the key. And even though all women appreciate a good listener, you also need to do some talking, if you want your relationship to be built on strong foundation. This means talking about the things that bother you right from the start. When it comes to white women and black men dating, enthusiasm is often a big part of the equation. And when you are excited, it is easy to set aside what bothers you. But should you? Not really.

Why talk

Talking about all the little things that make you uncomfortable might seem counter-intuitive at the beginning of a relationship. After all, you want to make a good impression and show that you are ready to make sacrifices for this to work. But how are these sacrifices going to be appreciated, if your date doesn't know which things bother you? Don't get us wrong. It is not a matter of diplomacy, but a mater of being honest of what you want, what you need, what you like. After all, if you don't get the things that bother you out of your system, you will end up being grumpy and bitter and your partner won't even know why. White women looking for black men are well aware that there are going to be some adjustments that need to be done from both sides, so they are going to appreciate your honesty. And you should also encourage them to talk openly as well of course!

How to talk

Even though talking about your needs and feelings is crucial, doing it in a specific way can save you from misunderstandings. First of all, you need to make sure that it doesn't sound like you are accusing your partner. Try to focus on you and why certain things upset you. For example, instead of saying “I hate it that you leave our room in a mess” you can say “I find it hard to relax when our room is untidy”. Then you can go ahead and suggest a way to solve the issue as a team. For example “Maybe we could spend ten minutes every morning to tidy a bit”. This way she won't feel attached and is much more likely to help you achieve what you want/need.

Setting the limits

Being polite and trying not to accuse the other person is great, but some times when you date white women - and when white women date black men- you might find that there are substantial issues that have to do with your values that you want your partner to just accept. If, for example, you two have different religions, it is perfectly acceptable to make it clear that you won't accept preaching from her side. Some things are just not up for debate. As long as you make that clear from the start, you two should get along great!

Interracial dating: Leaving bad experiences behind

If you have tried interracial dating before and it didn't go that well, it is easy to assume that you are just not cut for it. It is true that white women and black men can face some challenges when they decide to date each other, but this does not mean that every interracial relationship is doomed. If you want to try to date black men or date white women again, but you are hesitating, because of past experiences, you need to find out what was it that went wrong. This way you will learn from your mistakes, become a better person and learn how to make better choices. Following are some questions that will help you understand why your previous relationship might have gone wrong.

How did you pick your partner?

Often white women looking for black men and the other way around, get so excited about interracial dating that do not go any deeper than the race. If you just decide to date the first black man/white women that you met, chances are that things will go wrong. When you date people of your own race, don't you try to find someone with similar interests, goals and values as you? These should also be your criteria for an interracial relationship. The novelty wears off quite fast and if you do not have other things in common, then the relationship won't last.

How open were you towards your differences?  

Even if you have found a person from another race, with whom you share some interests and goals, you need to accept your differences as well. Maybe you thought that because all people are equal, they are also the same, but this is not how it works. The next time that you get a crush on someone from another race, try to understand that their life is different from yours in many aspects and that you will have to work hard to build a life together. People with different races, religion, education and financial background can make things work as long as they are open and accepting.

How well did you communicate?

Communication is the key in successful interracial relationships. In order to bridge cultural gaps, discuss about social pressure challenges, and understand the way your partner sees things you need to talk with them. Talk and listen. No matter how upset you feel about something that your partner said or did, you should make the effort to explain to them why you are upset. Some times cultural differences lead to misunderstandings, as a behavior that is perfectly fine in one culture is unacceptable to another. This is why it is crucial to educate your partner and get educated by them, instead of closing your ears and being mad all the time.

How did you handle social pressure?

Maybe you broke up with your last partner because your family did not approve of your relationship. In that case you need to do some work with your self-esteem and independence, before you date another person. If you are an adult and your family's racist opinions keep you from living your dreams, you need to detach. This does not mean that you need to stop loving your family though. You just need to make them understand that they should respect your decision. If you broke up with your partner because he would not stand up for you, when his family treated you badly, then you made a wrong choice of partner. And maybe you did not communicate well enough as well. An interracial couple needs to discuss a common strategy when it comes to dealing with judgmental or just plain negative family members and friends. You should make that clear from the start, when dating a person from another race. If you support them, you should expect that they will support and love you as well, despite of what their social environment thinks.

Did you brake up because of physical distance?

Some times interracial relationships start when one of the two is on vacation, doing an internship, is on an Erasmus exchange or working for a short term in a foreign country. This means that sooner or later they will have to go back home. If you fell in love with someone and lived your dream for a while and then, once they went back, you lost contact, it can be very traumatic. This is why it is a good idea to discuss this issue from the first dates with someone who is not just from another race, but from another country as well. If all goes well, could he move permanently to your country? Could you move to his? Could you both travel for a few years? These might seem like heavy questions to ask at the beginning of the relationship, but if the time is limited and you are not a college student who is just looking for an adventure, they are totally justified.

Now that you read these questions you can probably already pin point one or more reasons why your last interracial relationship did not last. Congratulations! Realizing your mistakes is the first step to achieve a long-term loving relationship with the next person that you will choose to include into your life.